


Out of the Cold

by potentiality_26



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Harry Lives, Huddling For Warmth, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Pining, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 16:39:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7540063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potentiality_26/pseuds/potentiality_26
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“I know you don’t want to start talking like this,” Harry said.  “But we have to think practically.  I’m slowing you down.”  The snow was thick and Eggsy would have been having trouble walking through it even without Harry draped over his shoulders.  And at his age- and Harry so hated thoughts that began with ‘at his age’, but again practicality had to win out- Harry just couldn’t handle the cold or the exertion as well as he once did, and that was without the twisted ankle and cracked ribs.</i>
</p><p>A mission gone wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out of the Cold

**Author's Note:**

> Yep, I wrote trudging through snow angst in the middle of summer. The title is from "Keep Me Warm" by The Little Estate feat. Erin Bowman, which I found by googling word combinations- but it's actually a very nice song to listen to while looking at gingerbread recipes and pining for winter like I've been doing. This fills my H/C bingo "near death experiences" square. 
> 
> Not Brit-picked.

“You might have to go on without me,” Harry said. 

“Fuck that,” was Eggsy’s not wholly unexpected reaction.

“I know you don’t want to start talking like this,” Harry said.  “But we have to think practically.  I’m slowing you down.”  The snow was thick and Eggsy would have been having trouble walking through it even without Harry draped over his shoulders.  And at his age- and Harry so hated thoughts that began with ‘at his age’, but again practicality had to win out- Harry just couldn’t handle the cold or the exertion as well as he once did, and that was _without_ the twisted ankle and cracked ribs. 

Unfortunately, the problem with Eggsy going on without Harry was the same problem that had started them walking in the first place.  They had no idea if help was coming, the dense forest and uneven terrain would make it very difficult for anyone who did come to find Harry again if he stayed behind, night was falling, and though it had been a long time since Harry practiced medicine he knew all too well that if he didn’t get to a doctor soon he would be in trouble.  If Eggsy did go on without Harry, he would most likely be leaving him to die. 

Harry didn’t like it- of course he didn’t- but it was only going to get colder when night fell and their chances of getting turned around would be even greater.  A choice between probably dying and maybe surviving but maybe taking Eggsy with him instead wasn’t much of a choice at all.

“No, okay?”  Eggsy had come to a stop a few steps ahead of Harry, having lost his grip on Harry when he came to a halt.  He stumbled slightly as he wheeled around.  “ _No_.”

“Eggsy-”

Eggsy gripped Harry by his jacket lapels.  It jostled him rather painfully, but Eggsy was warm and pressed close and Harry had never objected to that even before his chances of survival dropped so low.  Now Harry could feel less bad about enjoying it, that was all. 

Harry’s nose rubbed against Eggsy’s, and he tried not to do anything nonsensical, like moan.  That had become the rather unfortunate story of Harry’s life over the last two years.  Eggsy was just too beautiful, too kind, and too wonderful not to fall in love with and Harry was tired of pretending not to want more from him than someone so young and full of promise could ever be expected to give.  And now Harry was just tired in general, and cold, and numb, and it seemed like everything that wasn’t numb hurt, and it was so very hard not to just sink into that innocent embrace. 

“Harry,” Eggsy said.  “I’m not gonna leave you and that’s that.”

“I’m not going to let you die out here of pure stubbornness,” Harry hissed back at him.  “And _that’s_ that.”

Eggsy’s face contorted.  “We ain’t there yet.”

Harry could feel his own expression go soft.  He touched Eggsy’s cheek lightly.  It was good, that Eggsy had at least some idea of what they were facing here, of how ridiculous it would be if he let Harry drag him down too.  And maybe Eggsy was right, maybe they _weren’t_ there yet, but…  “It’s not like you to hide from the inevitable, my dear boy.”

Eggsy started shaking his head.  “It’s not-”

“I’m not going to take you with me, Eggsy.  I love you entirely too much to let that happen.”  Harry didn’t think Eggsy would understand what he really meant by those words, but it felt good to say them at last.  It felt _right_.

Eggsy let out a sharp huff of breath in a kind of half-snort.  “Love me, huh?” 

Harry could tell from Eggsy’s tone that he had been right; Eggsy didn’t understand, and he never would unless Harry spelled it out for him- that this wasn’t friendship or camaraderie and it never had been, not for Harry.  That his feelings weren’t those of a mentor for a protégé, and certainly not those of a man for some kind of surrogate son. 

The question was whether Harry _ought_ to spell it out for him.  For so long, Harry had dreaded making Eggsy feel uncomfortable- but if Harry was to be gone from Eggsy’s life, would it help or hurt Eggsy to know how Harry had always, always felt?  And did it matter anyway, when Harry wasn’t sure he could die with the truth still burning a hole in his heart? 

Harry’s thumb shook faintly as he slid it across Eggsy’s lower lip.  It was so small a gesture to have featured in so many secret fantasies.  “Desperately, Eggsy.”

He watched Eggsy’s face as realization dawned.  He saw every second of it as confusion turned to shock and then anger.  “No,” Eggsy said sharply. 

It wasn’t the quiet acceptance that Harry had sometimes allowed himself to hope for.  He didn’t want his last sight of Eggsy to be this look of infuriated betrayal- but if that was what it took to get him to leave, if that was what would save Eggsy’s life…

“No,” Eggsy repeated, shaking his head again.  “You don’t get to do this, you don’t get to just say you- you don’t- you _don’t_ -”

Harry blinked, not sure what to do with that reaction.  It wasn’t what he’d hoped for, but it wasn’t what he’d dreaded either.  It wasn’t anything he’d expected.  It was almost as if Eggsy didn’t believe him- but why did he think Harry would lie?  What possible reason could he think Harry had?  Unless he... unless he actually…

Gently, hesitantly, Harry passed his thumb over Eggsy’s lips again, and there it was- the faintest shudder, not of discomfort or displeasure or disgust, but of the opposite. 

Harry was good at hiding his feelings; more than twenty years as a spy couldn’t possibly have proven that better than two years of Eggsy’s friendship- but in that moment the awe that passed over his face was impossible to conceal.  To think that he had been wrong all this time, to think that Eggsy had also wanted this, wanted more, wanted _him_. 

Less than half a second later Harry saw that awe reflected back at him.  He had almost no time at all to realize that he had miscalculated before Eggsy said, “No,” once more, his tone utterly different this time, full of amazement and desperate affection- and determination.  His jaw set firmly and his eyes flashed as he whispered, “Fuck you, Harry Hart.  You ain’t ever getting rid of me now.” 

“Oh,” Harry managed. 

He was always- always- keenly aware of how close to him Eggsy was.  Whether they were sitting on Harry’s couch or sparring at headquarters or just walking side-by-side from one meeting to the next, Harry always noticed the heat of him, the rhythm of his breathing.  And Harry wasn’t the only one who was good at hiding his feelings, clearly, if all those times they had found themselves so close to each other Eggsy had been thinking about kissing Harry just as much as Harry had been thinking about kissing him.  “Eggsy-”

“Shut up,” Eggsy whispered.  “Just shut up, will you?”  He pressed closer still, nuzzling up to Harry’s face and, softly, kissing him.

Then Harry couldn’t have spoken if he wanted to.  He couldn’t _breathe_.  

He had made a mistake, clearly, in telling Eggsy how he felt now.  It had also been a mistake to keep it from him all this while, perhaps, when they could have been… when they could have been _together_ , but it was certainly wrong to have revealed it now, when it would make it that much harder for Eggsy to do what he would still eventually have to do. 

But Harry could hardly bring himself to be sorry for it- not now that they were finally, finally kissing. 

Eggsy’s lips were soft and a little warm despite the chill in the air, and tasting him at last was everything Harry had dreamed of.  Eggsy pulled Harry closer still, tightening his grip on his lapels. 

It jostled Harry again, bringing back into sharp relief the pain in his chest and his ankle, and the bumps and bruises that he had sustained in a fight with various henchmen while Eggsy destroyed their enemy’s idiotic doomsday machine.  Unfortunately, whatever Eggsy had done had also taken out their communications devices, and neither of them knew if the effect would be permanent or not.  With the only building for miles around reduced to cinders, no reliable transportation, and no way to call for help, their best option had been to head for the nearest highway on foot.  

Harry must have made a noise when all that hit him, because Eggsy pulled back suddenly.    

“Did I hurt you?”

“A bit,” Harry admitted.  “But it’s all right.”  For a moment, Eggsy’s kiss had made it possible to forget the whole miserable situation.  They could afford a moment more, surely.  “I don’t mind.”

Eggsy’s jaw set again.  That was never a good sign.  “ _I_ mind,” he said.  “There’s gonna be plenty of time for that shit when you’re feeling better, okay?”

Harry sighed, resting his cheek against Eggsy’s forehead.  The reprieve was over, then.  He should never have allowed himself to think it would last very long.  “Eggsy, we both know that’s never going to happen.  I’ll never-”

“I told you that you weren’t gonna be able to get rid of me,” Eggsy said, his voice going flat.  “So if you want me out of this forest so bad you’ll have to come with me.”

“I’m tired, Eggsy,” Harry whispered. 

“Then we’ll take a rest.”  Eggsy’s voice cracked right down the middle.

“I’m cold.”  Harry wasn’t sure if he was making a point to Eggsy anymore or just allowing himself to give in to weakness.  He wasn’t sure it mattered either way. 

“Then I’ll warm you up.”  Eggsy said it with a remarkable amount of confidence for someone who was shivering as much as Harry.  “Here.”  Eggsy dusted the snow off a rock as best he could and sat down, tugging Harry along with him.  Harry humored him, helplessly.  He settled as comfortably as he could, and Eggsy wrapped himself around Harry’s back, holding him as carefully as he could.  “Dunno what the point of a bulletproof suit is when what you need is a parka,” Eggsy murmured.

Harry laughed quietly. 

“See?” Eggsy said, latching onto that laugh.  “It’s not so bad.  I bet I could make a fire if I needed to.”

“Learn that as a scout, did you?” Harry asked, knowing full well that Eggsy hadn’t been one.

“No, but if I have to I could set off my lighter a little ways off.  I’m sure something’ll end up on fire.”

One of Eggsy’s arms was secure across Harry’s chest and Harry bent his head, pressing a kiss to the back of Eggsy’s wrist.  “We- _you_ \- really can’t afford to stop.  When it gets dark-”   

“ _No_ , okay?”  Eggsy tightened his grip fractionally and then loosened it again when Harry winced.  “I love you.  I _love_ you, and I wasn’t ever gonna leave you here and save myself, not ever and certainly not now.  ‘Cos _that’s_ how it’s done.”

“Is it, though?”  Harry craned his head to look at Eggsy.  “If I was the uninjured one you would be saying exactly what I am now and you know it.”

“Yeah,” Eggsy said at last.  He buried his nose in Harry’s hair.  “Yeah, I guess I would.  But you’d be saying exactly what I am, so fuck that.”

Harry should have known it wouldn’t be that easy.  “I’m an old man, Eggsy.  You have everything in front of you.  It’s not the same at all.”

Eggsy shook his head vehemently.  “No way, Harry.  I don't have a thing in front of me without you.”  He took a breath.  “Look, maybe- _maybe_ \- someday I’m gonna have to go on without you, but not today.  Not ‘til after I got to have you for a long fucking time.  Not like this.”

“Oh,” Harry sighed.  He had known from the start- from the first time he looked at Eggsy and realized how much this boy could come to mean to him- that if Eggsy became a Kingsman his life would be a dangerous one.  Yes, if their positions were reversed right now Harry supposed he wouldn’t leave Eggsy’s side- no, he _knew_ he wouldn’t leave Eggsy’s side- but there had always been the possibility that Harry wouldn’t have a choice.  That he wouldn’t be there with Eggsy.  That he would outlive him, not the other way around.

He had done his best not to think about it at all.  Not to think about losing Eggsy, and not to think about living out a life beside him and never having him.  But now Eggsy was pressed so close, with such love in his eyes, and Harry let himself imagine spending the rest of his life with Eggsy. 

And already he had to let the idea go.  “I’m-”

Harry didn’t get the chance to finish that sentence; he was cut off by a voice that wasn’t his or Eggsy’s.  “Arthur?  Galahad?” 

It was Eggsy who galvanized first.  “Merlin?  That you?”

“Who else would it be?” Merlin growled. 

“We lost contact.”

“Yes, and I’ve been working to reestablish it for the last few hours.”  He sounded disapproving, like he knew they’d given up on him and he didn’t like it.

“How did you manage that?” Harry asked.  He was almost too numb to be relieved.  He knew he ought to get up now that there was apparently hope, but Eggsy was so warm, and it felt so good to be this close to him, and everything was suddenly so different. 

“Your comm systems weren't too badly damaged.  I just had Lancelot bring something along to boost the signal.”

“Rox is here?” Eggsy asked.  He sounded as though he was having almost as difficult a time as Harry comprehending their change in circumstances.

“She will have an exact location for you and be there within an hour- less, most likely.”

Just like that Eggsy seemed to snap out of it, back to business once again.  “Harry’s injured,” he told Merlin.

“Understood.  Lancelot is prepared for that.”

“Right,” Eggsy said.  Harry could hear a smile beginning to form in his voice. 

“She has an ATV and judging by the terrain I’m seeing she should actually be able to get it quite close to you.  She’ll have you both out of there soon- so if you have any more personal discussions to get out of the way, now would be the time.”

That startled a laugh out of Harry, who suspected that Merlin had overheard more than he would have liked of their conversation before he had been able to speak to them.  He would probably make them sorry for that once they were home safe.  “Understood,” Harry said.  He smiled at Eggsy, just a little bit shy.  It was hard for him to believe that everything would be fine after all.  More than fine, if Eggsy would really stand by everything he just said.  “Eggsy,” Harry started, swallowing, as he suddenly worried that maybe Eggsy wouldn’t.  “Did you-”

“Don’t you ask me if I meant it, Harry," Eggsy said.  "Look at me.  Don’t you _dare_.”

One look at the heat and fierceness in Eggsy’s eyes and Harry couldn’t question him.  He managed a weak nod.

Eggsy let out a breath and then- slowly- lit up.  “Okay.  We’re gonna be okay.”

Harry nodded again, still just staring at Eggsy’s face, memorizing his features.  “I’d like to do more than look again,” he said, his fingertips coming up to touch Eggsy’s chin lightly.  He nuzzled closer, pressing a kiss to the corner of Eggsy's mouth.  “If I may.”

“Uh-uh,” Eggsy said, pulling away as much as he could without letting go of Harry.  His eyes were laughing.  “Suck it up.  We can do the cuddle for warmth thing until Rox gets here, since I sure as fuck ain’t letting you catch hypothermia or some shit now, but you got a long time in medical coming up before I let you do anything else.  But once you’re cleared for it, you ain’t gonna know what hit you, Harry Hart.”

“My boy,” Harry murmured.  “I haven’t known what hit me since I met you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come see me on [tumblr](http://potentiality-26.tumblr.com/).


End file.
